i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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