You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize