I heard we made out
I wish I could teleport
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
