sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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