I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
