the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
