dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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