Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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