the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
