I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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