In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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