Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
