Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
