I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
