But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
