so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
