I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
