ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
