the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
