I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
