you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
