you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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