The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
