I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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