I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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