That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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