then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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