No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
