I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
