is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
