shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
