Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm like, not good at living.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
