yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
