I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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