He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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