Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently you make a good broom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
