I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
