The maid of honor just puked.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
