My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
