He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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