dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
...so i touched it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
