I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
