I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
