In the future we'll all be gay
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
