My hand turned me down
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
