no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
