Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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