Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
