Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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