im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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