no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
