You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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