In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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