i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
