You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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