if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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